Getting revenge doesnt really help you get over it. Why This is the Most Difficult of All of Your Options: Yes, I know. It is so effective because the silent treatment is only obvious to you and the narcissist. Don't just use words, demonstrate it in front of the flying monkeys. But most of the time I feel miserable. So it is incredibly important to learn all the many tactics a narcissist uses to trauma-bond their victims. If you need to maintain contact, let them know how they can and cannot be in contact with . Interestingly enough, narcissists can also get that superior feeling by being the worst, the most wrong, or the most ill, upset, or injured. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Years in the making, this book creates a bridge between the. Occasionally a narcissist will cry a few crocodile tears because its advantageous to them, but this isnt true vulnerability. Understand these people love to control and manipulate. Aging narcissists often employ various tactics to ward off the effects of age, but as reality catches up to them, they become increasingly desperate. 1. The other one loves bananas, but also loves their spouse, and has no problem doing small things like not forcing unwanted banana contact. Even when the stories are so absurd. And sometimes the best help you can ever receive is from a stranger. I know how it is to be hurt by a narc. This is similar to the previous tactic, but a little easier to claim innocence. These methods of vengeance may not look like vengeance at all. It all sounds nice; Get over it, live your best live and ofcourse thats what you should do. Required fields are marked *. Required fields are marked *. Keep cool. One person hates bananas with the passion of 10 fiery suns. Shame. My therapist has been telling me for quite a while to watch funny movies and to laugh for many reasons. Power to the worriors. That we can live in a world where someone can cause so much damage and get away with it seems so unjust. When that isnt the case, which many times it isnt of course being seen with someone else who can be seen as good looking as them (which theyll see as hotter lol). This will disrupt a narcissists mind. OMG, he lies all the time! The narcissist can use it to make you look crazy or to justify treating you poorly. This is the sort of thing that can set off devaluation from them in the first place. In fact, they look closer to boundary-setting. Better than lying beaten down and keeping a silent victim. Additionally, you should never try to outshine a narcissist or make them feel inferior in any way, as this will only . You have a conscience, so its probably a fantasy that you could keep this up for long enough to make much of a difference. It did expose him but he didnt change. While most people can regulate their feelings of self-worth internally, the narcissist relies completely on outsiders for this validation. 10 Things Narcissistic Men Fear the Most. Just constant horrible behavior while the divorce is going through. Walk away and live your most authentic life. Yet he or she is not likely to even recognize this as revenge or a reaction to anything he or she did. But that isEXACTLYwhat the narcissists want. The idea here is not to make her feel bad but to show her HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT TO CONNECT. Narcissists can't accurately see where they end and you begin. And it is so subtle that they will have a hard time getting back at you or possing as the victim. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to try and even the scores. Its about empowering myself. I exposed it knowing people would see. Since they hate being criticized and are going to get offended no matter what you do anyway, you might as well give them something to be offended about. Let her know how much you love her. 2. Of course lol. 4. Lets start a movement and force society to change its views on abuse that forgives and allows these vile humans to do what they do! When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you dont know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in. Time and time again, you've channeled the toxicity of their . Its dangerous to purposely cause them humiliation. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist that will drive them insane is something very very simple. Your ghosts follow you everywhere. Oh, yes, youre right. That understood, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to seek revenge as they are vengeful toward you. They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because theyve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want. Its not even that they degrade and humiliate us, purposely trying to hurt us. Better to play your game. Very good post. Gaslighting is the subjective experience of having one's reality repeatedly questioned by an authority figure. Im so determined and I think that tapping into humor just might be the way!!!! A person with a narcissistic parent often feels as . If someone kicks you; kick back! It took me a while to decide whether I should have reported my ex to his school about his fake academic qualifications, but he was meant to be a role model to young children faking your qualifications isnt exactly a role model a school should have. I have a question What if you work with a huge narcissist that has only been working 6 months and you have been with the company 2 yrs and they treat you like you are stupid. What happened to us will never go away, it just means we wont be controlled by it anymore. Go home. Since narcissists live for being admired and their pride is of great importance, doing . This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every . A sure-fire way to make them angry is to show them up in any of these areas. In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. And, just as they do when you didnt intentionally challenge them, they will continue to make you out to be the bad person and use what you do to turn themselves into victims. Just to get a kind of even in my mind. I know that may be hard. Plus, looking and feeling like a movie star will drive your former narcissist abuser absolutely crazy. Not easy of course for anyone; easier said than done. Stay strong! Therefore, if you want to take revenge, do this. When they dont, theyre abusive, conniving, and cold. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. To eternity I understand where you are coming from. They will gaslight you. If you don't need to maintain contact with them, don't. Walk out of that door and never look back. Im preparing for a trial at the end of this month and I think that she is going to use this very expensive opportunity to try to finish off my character and destroy me. Just knuckle under and accept the abuse? Especially if it gets physical. This is why so many of these methods backfire or cause more issues. I heard of this somewhere and it is genious. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I believe it can help many people get through their trails with their narc. 4. Its dangerous territory to be in, so silence shouldnt be used lightly. Things Narcissists Say That Give Them Away. Why play nice? Individuals with this disorder expect to be treated in certain ways and don't regard the opinions or problems of others. So to me it isnt about revenge or him at all. If you were, you probably wouldnt be here because a narcissist would have found you an undesirable partner. Just my opinion but I think that trying to do whatever we can to heal from what happened to us *is* moving on. They crave praise, admiration, and a feeling of control over their life. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Narcs are like parasites. Of course they also lack empathy for others and lash out when anyone challenges them, but overall theyre capable of normal and having forming personal relationships, albeit rather shallow ones. Narcissists will never come forward with their own feelings, its too painful to show that side of themselves. Enjoy! Its that they made us look and feel as if there is something wrong with us for feeling hurt and angry over being treated this way. Do it wisely. They gain narcissistic supply from you, even if its negative. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to get out, they'll never love you the way you want. Basically, this is designed to be a sort of presentation to the world - a well-designed impetus to acquire much-needed attention and admiration. Youre probably not even a vengeful person! Only then can we reject them and understand that there is vengeance that we can take, but not in using the traps that the narcissist has laid for us. We dont get to tell the narcissist what we really think or see them self-destruct. Yes they did these things to you and its not fair, but theyre mentally-disordered and unstable and thats the point. Usually, you would respond with anger or outrage or tears at this mistreatment. We may be dealing with financial or legal consequences or struggling to put our lives back together if our stability has been disrupted in areas such as our housing or job. Again, because they already see many things people do as attacks, they probably wouldnt notice that you are intentionally changing your actions to make a point. Giving in to them might cause us to create situations that would make things worse for ourselves and play right into the hands of the narcissist. No one is likely to believe you and even if they do, the narcissist will soon smooth everything over. 'I'm busy and don't have time for you right now'. If you dont have a friend you can call, you can always text the crisis line #741741 in the U.S. or call 800-273-8255. If you're thinking about using the silent treatment, it's best to walk away from the narcissist and the relationship. Therefore, although it is the most subtle statement of all in terms of direct confrontation or mentioning the narcissists behavior, in this method of revenge, you simply say nothing. Comfront them publicly they dont like that. I also destroyed her career in nursery which I made possible for her in the first place. I dont recommend them. In order for something to be viewed as revenge, someone has to understand that they did something to warrant revenge in the first place. It's something only someone who has engaged a narcissist really understands, but they will almost laugh at themselves in quick, manic, awkward giggles. So I was tired of all of it. My caption was saying that he needed to stop hurting people, and his lives need to meet and I hoped that by doing this he would change and come clean and stop lying to everyone and his wife and start over. Run, girl! I know how frustrating it can be to have someone youNEVEReven said hello to say to you with disgust, Ive heard all about you.. Just imagine how satisfying it would be to humiliate the narcissist in front of his friends or colleagues. The narcissist is trying to regain control of the situation by breaking you down. Ceased contact. I am so HAPPY this article could help you. And when we can show a narc that they are NOTHINGthat KILLS THEM INSIDE. The narcissist hides behind the armor of a "false self," a construct of qualities and traits that he or she usually presents to the outside world to gain admiration and attention. But it isnt just about revenge. Do the diary because she will see you from a different light. The stress and anxiety was overwhelming. These methods are highly rooted in emotion. Unfortunately, theyre likely to use your words and actions against you, even when youre being amicable. When you look good on the outside, you feel happy on the inside. The most common strategy from a narcissist is to try to isolate you. There is no winning at all with a narcissist. Stay strong and stay blessed. This will only prolong your depression and victimhood. She ended up getting fired and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit blaming me as the cause.She filed a cause of action against me with the California State Board of Equalization and with the EDD.I ended up with renal failure and have under gone 3 surgeries to correct the problem from the stress.Law suit was finally settled not because she was right but because our legal fees were mounting.God help anyone who has to deal with a narc in the workplace. Im one of those youve exploited and cheated on, and your fear will take you out of nowhere.. Just on that silly quiet street you walk on every evening. The message was; Im in your nightmares and your fears every day. Im married to one and currently trying to get away but scared of him. Thank you and thanks for reading! Only it was with the other woman. I havent been brave enough to list my last name but both of you have so we arent anonymous. I feel rejected and used. Thats the biggest crime someone can inflict on an other human being. He would spend his time on his cell phone and loving on our cats all the while ignoring my very e. How about if you started to do the same things to them? Early in the relationship, little did you know that you simply not doing what they wanted you to do whenever they wanted you to do it meant that you were likely already injuring them and didnt even know it. I gave him what he gave me. Your email address will not be published. Exploitation. If you make a point of causing narcissistic injury, you better believe the narcissist will come back at you with everything theyve got. You can say something like, "I feel terrible for". The thought of it feels amazing, right? Empathy is at the heart of every human feeling we have. And he tells lies that can be easily identifed as lies, which makes me think whats the point of lying in the first place? 3. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle. Sometimes, you might even want to clear your own name. Narcissists are known for being able to dish it out, but not being able to take it. Hi. When you do this, the narcissist has no further use for you and will either discard you or do everything in their power to pull you back into the supply-providing role. I am sorry for that loss with your children. But more importantly, they love to destroy a persons life, and they love to destroy our character. He gave me a std that cannot be cured. You can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-3224) or TTY 800-787-3224. That means the world to me. By destroying your credibility and confidence, they put themselves back on top. They LOVE the idea that they can hurt us. You may have lashed out in anger at the narcissist in the past. Narcissists believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that by discarding us, giving us the silent treatment, destroying our reputation, and spreading lies about us that we will be hurt by it. You will confirm that the narcissist was right about you all along, that you were no good and would eventually just run off with someone else. Instead, perhaps, you smile in amusement, maybe give a little shake of your head and walk away. Thank you so much. But it is something that far too many victims often overlook. How do you throw someone under the bus with love? Keep cool and laugh INSIDE at how delusional these people can be. So when they discard us or give us thesilent treatment, know that they are STILL thinking about us and that they are gleaming at the idea that we are hurt. To seek revenge on the narcissist is to BE like the narcissist. While the typical narcissist is interested in money, power, and sexual conquest, the communal narcissist only wants to be seen as the most helpful person in a group. Im dedicated to exposing a narc that is also an abuser(hits his gf). Then remain silent when the go in a rage. Those of us who are upset and those who spiteful about what the narcissist did to us that this is theLASTthing you want to hear. There are somany ways these days to record someone. As I reflect, yes I probably should have walked away. Can you really ever make them feel the same pain theyve made you feel? Please hear me out for a second, as I will elucidate what that (living happily) does to the narcissist. The narcissist is on a neverending trial, which, itself, constitutes his punishment. The best way to get revenge on a narcissist is byLIVING HAPPILY. What Happens When you Figured Our the Narcissist? Couples don't always carry the same #financial weight in a relationship. If youd like to read a free preview, which includes the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist, click on this link. In most cases, shaming a narcissist causes the situation to get turned around on you. Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. Never attempt to get revenge on these types of narcissists; it will blow up in your face, sometimes violently. That means my life is forever changed to the point I will never be able to kiss my grandkids or anyone else. And I also know the best thing to do is to be the BIGGER AND BETTER PERSON. I have worked with many narcs myself and I know how they can mess up lives FOR NO REASON. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. Narcissists hurt us so that we always have something to remember them by. Be smart and crafty. Because he cheats on me all the time, and uses me to get things. Learn how your comment data is processed. Your best life, in other words, is anything without them in it and thats all they need to know. Even if you did, the things they do are so blatant and heinous, as noted above with direct criticism, they can use what you do to make themselves into a victim to gain sympathy and support and to justify their poor treatment of you. This will always be a no-win situation for you. For the sake of argument, lets say you want to get a little payback after enduring frequent episodes of narcissistic abuse. 4. Don't minimize their outrageous behavior. 1. Yes, ignoring a narcissist can hurt him so much, that is beyond your expectations. 3. When interacting with a narcissistic boss or co-worker, setting limits is essential. But we certainly dont have this opportunity a lot of the time, but if one does play that card. The Narcissists Love Destruction: How To Hurt a Narcissist. Trust your friends, family, even your coworkers with your issues. but in some point you have to face him to get out of this ****..the reason why i said that i feel you..is because i go through the same thing with my mother..and she did fight for us..and im thinkfull to her for the rest of my life for being soo brave to leave..as your kids..they will be greatfull to you..i hope happiness find you where ever you go. But now you can do it on purpose just to show them they cant control you. 2. They LOVE the idea that they can hurt us. I had enough been a walk over too much during the court process, and being alienated enough. It may also be the least satisfying because we dont get to witness any effect it might have. When they have a steady source of supply, theyre happy as can be. Empathetic people often believe that if they offer vulnerability, it will be returned in kind. In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. For example: He has convinced me to quit multiple jobs because its to stressful , they treat you so bad,let me support the family for while. Then turns it around that Im crazy and stupid for quitting and how selfish I was. Even if you had a long day or are sick, a narcissist may start a fight while you are trying to sleep. Youre always doing something wrong and the narcissist is blameless. Note that Im examining these as thought exercises. Its simply not possible. For double the fun, perhaps do it in front of one of their friends. It tickles their ego, knowing that they can bad mouth us to other people and then have these people foolishly believe every word they have said. And prepare yourself for the character assassination. Narcissists have zero sense of self-worth or resilience, so every negative outcome feels humiliating for them. Just a thought. Your email address will not be published. Trying to talk to them is like talking to a brick wall, and they always turn their flaws around on you to make it seem like you're being ungrateful. They dance to the beat of their own fckd up "me,me,me" drum They seek admiration and power, and feel zero empathy. Now that I think about it, I did try this one time, and it is a little different than just straight exposure, because even though it angers the narcissist at first, it helps you avoid the smear campaign if your proof is tight. Dr. Les Carter cautions that as you are fatigued by them, bad habits can . Thanks again for your comment and your insight. Narcissistic people can do wonders on someones mind and psychology. The problem is that even when youre doing everything right by the narcissist, it isnt always enough. For me, it feels good to have the muzzle off. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), negative outcome feels humiliating for them, These 14 Things Make a Narcissist Really Miserable. The limitations and deficits that impact every activity I do is overwhelming. He makes me look like Im crazy, stupid, and horrible. I get heal spiritually from the a******. Researcher and author Craig Malkin, PhD, suggests that the term "covert" can be misleading. Im really tired.. Start by telling them how you feel. My thoughts were about my children. Giving them a little tit for tat might actually show them what its like when they go around humiliating or degrading you. So yea, HIPAA is real. Yes, moving on is not easy and thats why I put it as one of the biggest cons. Its the hardest thing to do when everything inside you is telling you to do something else. 3. Going no contact after you walk away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past. Ignore their texts, don't answer their phone calls, and don't talk to them when you see them in person. One Of The Worst Things You Can Do To A Narcissist. Dont let them monopolize your life. All Ive learned from being married to a narcissist for almost 5 years in which I just started realizing he was a narcissist little under a year now is trying to expose them is the worst. It wasnt all. The problem with wounding a narcissist and causing a narcissistic injury, however, is that narcissists react very strongly. These are easily the most dangerous types of narcissists. If you have any of these signs present in your relationship, it is important to get help immediately. Again, a little tit for tat to see how they like it. But heres the problem. 12. But lets examine them anyway as a theoretical exercise and determine what it is about them thats so attractive and why they are unlikely to work. My suggestion for you is to reach out. And cry on the notebook if you have to absorb your emotion.Show her the parts where the page is crinkled. This is the hardest thing to do while we are still in love with the narcissist. OK, it doesn't but it should . I hate myself for loving him so much! Trying to hurt a grandiose narcissist usually results in belittling behaviors that are designed to boost their ego. But, I have a question for you which may raise another article/issue altogether. I tried to break things up with him several times, but he manages to come back and have me back into his arms. As Maria was accompanying her mother to her door, her mother-in-law, who lived a few houses down and was trudging by, launched into a diatribe about her car not starting. This is how they regain their position of power. Prevents You from Relaxing. The main reason this happens is that narcissists don't bond with people. Because narcissists are eternal victims, they will view you as the attacker if you do many of these things, instead of viewing them as reactions to something they did. Dear sarah.. -Kristen, It is very sad watching children being used as some manipulation tools. That feeling will be very short-lived; narcissists always have more time and energy to spend on hurting you than you do on hurting them. You dont have to swing from vine to vine just to avoid being alone. Were left astounded by the magnitude of the wrongs done to us. Through examining these methods of revenge, the following statements seem clear: 1. Not exactly, the desire to be needed and seen as needed can result in toxic relationships that arent based on mutual trust and respect. Or whatever they value about themselves, make an off-hand comment about how theyre not doing as well in that department as they used to. And by the way, it didnt work. 4. They hate not being in control. You've probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. Examples can include mentioning how much better an ex was at making them feel, exploding because you took too long to text when you were out with your friends, making a cutting comment under his or her breath but where your mutual friends cannot overhear about something that they know will hurt you. In some ways, this makes narcissists one of the easiest personalities to understand. Here are five ways that a narcissist may try to take advantage of you: 1. When you explain your feelings, youre not helping the narcissist to see your point of view theyre not capable of that. Never argue. I chose to be the victor. Please reach out to someone who can help you get through those periods that are so intense you feel like doing something like taking your life. Till I saw I had endorsed a narcissist/sociopath in the nursing-business. If you think about what narcissists thrives on, however, by rendering them invisible, you starve them of the drama that they crave. Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. The method was called Throwing him under the bus but with love. Even the name is so genius that its hard to resist. Beating them means getting out of there. Yes, I do believe that some people will not get to the level of seeing the narc as a comedy. Everyone around them thinks theyre a saint, or just misunderstood.